There were so many nights like that.
I would reach the end of the day still hungry, or maybe not physically hungry but just… unsatisfied. So I would eat more. Sometimes a little. Sometimes a lot. And almost every time I would tell myself the same thing.
Tomorrow I will start again.
Sometimes it was Monday. Sometimes it was the first of the month. Sometimes it was just “tomorrow.”
I can’t even count how many times I went to bed after a night like that, full of determination that the next day would finally be the day I got it right.
If you’ve ever dieted, you probably know exactly what I mean.
The last supper before being “good again.”
The last bowl of ice cream before the rules start.
The last time eating pizza before the diet begins.
I lived in that cycle for years.
And the strange thing is, the more I tried to control food, the more power it seemed to have over me.
This year I decided to try something different.
I threw away the scale.
Not because I stopped caring about my health, but because I realized the scale had become the judge of my effort. If the number didn’t move the way I wanted, it could undo an entire week of trying.
Today, for a moment, I actually wanted to weigh myself. Just to see.
Am I losing?
If I had kept the scale, I probably would have stepped on it.
And if the number hadn’t gone down — or worse, if it had gone up — I know exactly what I would have thought.
What’s the point?
But the truth is, the point isn’t the number.
The point is that I feel better.
I’m eating regular meals.
I’m moving my body more.
I’m not going to bed feeling like I failed another day.
I still eat dessert. Honestly, dessert is probably a staple in my life. But it’s not the same anymore. It isn’t the last thing I eat before starting over tomorrow.
Because there is no “starting over tomorrow.”
There is just living.
I’m not starving myself.
I’m not cutting foods out of my life.
I’m not over-exercising to earn what I eat.
I’m just trying to eat as well as I can and move my body as well as I can.
And whatever happens… happens.
For the first time in a long time, food doesn’t feel like a test I’m constantly failing.
It just feels like life.
The Night I Stopped Starting Over
There were so many nights like that.I would reach the end of the day still hungry, or maybe not physically hungry but just… unsatisfied. So I would eat more. Sometimes…
Comments
6 responses
This!
Exactly!
Amen!
😊❤️
Love this 💕
Thanks Lexi 😊