This morning I was texting with my sister-in-law.
She had made a comment about looking like a sixty-year-old. I told her what I honestly think—that she looks great.
Somewhere in the middle of that conversation, I found myself typing something I’ve probably never said quite this plainly before.
I wrote:
“I have no idea how much weight I have lost and gained in my lifetime. I would say definitely into the hundreds. My mom had me on diets starting in grade school and I have continued every year since then. I’m sure my metabolism is a mess! That’s what motivated me to do this this year. I’m tired of the battle. I am learning to love the body that God blessed me with and all of its flaws. I’m not taking it with me to Heaven anyway. I’m getting a new one there…oh I so hope it’s a bikini body!!!”
After I hit send, I felt something I didn’t expect.
Relief.
Not because my body suddenly changed.
Not because I figured everything out.
Just relief that I finally said out loud what has been true for most of my life.
I have been battling my body since childhood.
I was a grade-school girl on diets.
A teenager worrying about arms and stomach.
A young woman gaining and losing the same pounds over and over.
If I added up all the weight I’ve lost and regained in my lifetime, I honestly think it would be in the hundreds.
And I’m tired.
Not tired of caring for my body.
But tired of fighting it.
That’s why this year has been different.
On New Year’s Day I threw away my scale.
Later, I threw away the tape measure too. Keeping it would have been dishonest with myself and with the women who read what I write.
This year isn’t about fixing my body.
It’s about learning how to live in it.
I’m walking more.
I’m getting stronger.
I’m learning how to nourish myself instead of punish myself.
Some days I eat a donut with eggs on Sunday morning.
Some days I eat salad and grilled chicken.
Most days I’m just trying to live a normal life without turning every meal into a math problem.
And somewhere in the middle of all that, I’m slowly learning something I should have learned a long time ago.
This body was never meant to be my enemy.
It’s the body God gave me to live this life.
It has held babies and grandchildren in my arms.
It cooks dinners and folds laundry.
It walks quiet prayer walks through my neighborhood.
It dances in the kitchen while I clean up after dinner.
It’s not perfect.
But it has been faithful.
And the truth is, I’m not taking this body with me to heaven anyway.
Scripture tells us we’ll receive new ones there.
Until then, I’m learning something new.
Instead of spending the rest of my life battling the body I have…
I’m learning to be held, not measured.
Laying Down the Battle
This morning I was texting with my sister-in-law.She had made a comment about looking like a sixty-year-old. I told her what I honestly think—that she looks great.Somewhere in the middle…
Comments
2 responses
Love this one!
Thanks Katie!